Respectful relationships – Even with all its modernizations in many areas, arranged marriages are still the norm in India. It’s usually the parents and family who find their children a suitable spouse. There are various reasons for this tradition, but mainly it has to do with the Indian culture where the sexes don’t mingle so much and there is no dating culture, but yet they enjoy respectful relationships.
The Perfect Bride or Groom
Traditional marriage in India depends heavily on tying partners based on various important characteristics such as religion, language, location, social status, caste, age, height or education that paves the way for Godly relationships. But parents seeking to get their son or daughter married will also look for other qualities. Will the prospective groom be a good, responsible husband, comfortable father and enjoy respectful relationships? Is he able to maintain a family? Will the prospective bride be a good and loving mother? Will she cooperate well with her in-laws?
Different Forms of Arranging Marriage and Godly relationships
Arranged marriage can be anything from a forced marriage, in which the potential husband and wife have nothing to say at all, to more liberal forms which involve almost free choice and a strong element of romantic love. Common to all arranged marriages is that the parents and even wider family will play an important part in finding a suitable match.
Liberal Forms of Arranged Marriage
Being more mature and experienced, parents are seen as better capable of finding a good match. This can be done by word of mouth, with an agent or using matrimonial services. Nowadays, young people will usually be asked if they’re happy with the arrangement. They will even be able to become more active themselves, usually with the help of print matrimonial ads or profiles on matrimonial websites.
Many parents are willing to consider their children’s suggestions. In any case, young people often have the right to veto and in such a case, arranged marriage may be better described as a well organized family dating service with pre-marriage counseling by parents and other well-wishers.
The Courtship Period in Prearranged Marriages
Traditionally, the bride and groom would not even see each other until the wedding day. While most marriages are still being arranged today, times are changing. There is usually a small courtship period where the bride and groom can meet and talk under the careful eye of a guardian. Also, if one or both of them do not want the marriage, it is likely to be cancelled. Today, very few families force marriages upon their children.
Finding a Partner Through the Internet
In the past, word of mouth and print matrimonials were the main instruments for finding a partner in a prearranged marriage in India. However, with the modern internet boom, the online resources of matrimonial websites are becoming the most popular means. Indian marriage requirements can, in many cases, be so specific in religion, caste, language and location that the internet suits many potential Indian husbands and wives perfectly.
The Advantages of Online Matrimonial Websites
A service provider may use registration profiles to filter preferences and may run several different portals to cater for needs like a specific language, region or religion. This also allows the prospective brides and grooms to take a more active part and look for a partner online in a noncommittal way.
Do Arranged Marriages have Respectful Relationships?
Divorce statistics seem to indicate that arranged marriages work much better than love marriages do. The divorce demographics of nationmaster.com’s online encyclopedia show India as having a divorce rate of only 1.1%. This is one of the lowest worldwide, especially when compared to the USA, where 46% of all marriages end in divorce. However, the main reason for this may be that divorce is regarded as socially unacceptable in India.
The Future of Arranged Marriage
Arranged marriages have always played an important role in the Indian society. While they are likely to persist, the way marriages are being prearranged is changing with the rapid technological and economic development of India and the existence of a growing middle class with self-confident, independent women. Some of the most important changes are the growing freedom of young people to veto their parents suggestions, the introduction of a courtship period during which young people get to know each other before marriage and the possiblity to start actively looking for a partner themselves while still being open and grateful for their family’s advice.
Happiness in Marriage
Love does not ensure that a marriage will remain loving, happy, committed and respectful relationships. Commitment to creating a loving atmosphere in the home and patience with each other is vital to the growth of a marriage. Couples need to ensure that quality time is taken together. Both partners need to be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to guarantee that both husband and wife feel heard, loved and cherished.
Hug Everyday
A day should not go by where husband and wife do not hug each other. Life should not be allowed to get so busy that this simple gesture gets pushed aside. People enjoy feeling loved and touching another person is an excellent way to show affection. Spouses should take one minute, 60 seconds, in the bustle of the morning to hold one another and tell each other how much they mean to each other.
When husband and wife come home after a long day, they should hug each other before they start the rush to fix dinner and spend time with the children. Time spent cuddling on the couch connects spouses to each other. Quick hugs given while weekend brunch is being cooked are special to spouses. Hug often. Hug daily.
Forgive Often
Forgiveness is a powerful tool in a marriage. It is important that each spouse forgives the faults and mistakes of their partners. Perceived wrongs and resentment from the past should not be held onto. Residual anger from built up irritation should not be allowed to mar the happiness of the marriage.
This is not to say that there are not instances when anger is justified. There are. However, it is important that spouses deal with their negative feelings and put them behind them. The emotion and time spent on remaining angry would be much better served on working on the marriage and love.
Don’t Go to Bed Angry
Anger should be put aside before spouses go to bed. If the hurt is too deep to put aside, spouses should reassure each other of the love they hold deep inside. Acknowledgment of the love does not mean that anger is not justified, rather, it allows the angry spouse to put things into the perspective of the marriage. Going to be angry can cause a person to lose a fitful night of sleep.
Stick Together
All marriages have challenges. It is important that spouses stick together when times get rough. When under pressure, spouses should still take time to talk together. Instead of turning against each other, spouses should turn to each other. When the trial is over and the couple has left the valley, their marriage will be stronger and more lasting.
Date Night
Juggling the responsibility of children, work, housekeeping, religious and social obligations often crowds time that couples should spend together. Taking time to reconnect with each other deepens and strengthens relationships. Spouses should take a date once a week. No children allowed. If that is not possible, they should schedule weekends away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It is important that spouses remember why they fell in love. Doing so will remind them of why their relationship is so special.
Marriage More Important Than Wedding
Everyone remembers their wedding day. The memories of that day will always be special. Couples need to be careful that they do not get so caught up in the excitement of the wedding day that they forget the marriage. As much work should be put into the day to day life of the marriage as the preparation for the wedding. Couples who do this will see that their marriage works and that the rewards are worth the effort.
